A Moment of VENTING

When my fellow lioness and I decided to put this page together I knew that once in a blue moon i'd use it as a place to vent. Well today I happened to get an email from my homegirl Egypt with a link to her blog (www.egyptsaidso.com) and while going across her page I came across this. It hit close to home for me (my close friends know) and in case any of you are dealing w/ anything similar i thought i'd put this up on our page. (oh and no my situation isn't exactly like this but its similar enough to appreciate bits and pieces of her answer..i'll even hightlight those parts for ya)




Hey E:

I want you to answer a question. How long can a jump off be? I’m asking because I’ve been talking to this guy for over a year now, but every time I ask him what’s up with us, he says, “come on now, you know this was just a jump off.” See, he’s got a girl that’s in the military and he only sees her a few times a year, but I feel like he’s just using that as an excuse to not make a commitment to me. I’m like, if this was just a “jump off” it would have only lasted a few weeks or even a month. After a year, I deserve some sort of commitment. I think he feels that just because he was honest with me from the beginning about having a steady girl, he can keep trying to act like this isnt’ serious. But after a year, I don’t think that’s fair.

lstone

Hey lstone,
Well here’s the question…Do you want the truth? OR do you want a watered down version that will leave you feeling all warm inside with a glimmer of hope? I ask this because sometimes the real truth hurts.

The truth is that people only do to you what you allow them to do. He told you in the very beginning and has continued to tell you throughout your “jumpoff” that he has a girlfriend. It doesn’t matter if your fling lasts 5 weeks or 5 years. So long as he tells you that he has a girlfriend and is not breaking up with her, you will remain THE JUMP OFF.

Quite honestly you did this to yourself. When you made the choice to deal with a taken man you put yourself in the catergory of “side chick”. Its not very often that the chick on the side gets promoted to wifey material. Why should you? In his mind you have given him everything he wants and he hasn’t had to work for anything. The irony of it all is that one day he may very well decide to break up with military mama. But you better believe that he will keep you in the same box that your in and go find some Grade A no nonsense woman to wife.

You simply cannot change the game in the fifth inning, you can only change the players!!! If what you want is a real commitment, then you need to look for someone else and start fresh. Besides why would you want someone as a boyfriend who you already know cheats?? Before you go looking for a new man I need you to do a few things for your self:

1) Stop chasing men that don’t want to be caught. If he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship then believe him! We need to stop thinking we can change a man.


2)Think about what you want out of a man, in a relationship, and for your life. And don’t accept any less than that!

3)Don’t mess with another woman’s man. If I stress nothing else to you, this is the most important. The law of karma is nothing to mess with. How you get a man is how you will lose him.

I know this all sounds easier said than done because you seem to really care about this guy. Stay in touch with me and let me know what you decide to do.